Opinion

Satire: Marriage is the Leading Cause of Divorce

By OZHAN ZARIFI
Staff Writer

Statistics show that people hate being together with the ones they love. Love is just a construct of one’s imagination so it’s obvious that divorce is inevitable in one’s lifetime. Divorce is this process formed by society to give severe trauma to little children who will be scarred for life knowing that once their perfect family gets broken into that every night you’d see dad drinking, and mom bringing a new man to replace the void she once filled. Divorce’ s number one cause is getting married at all. All the pain and suffering from divorce can all go away

You see, my information is all based on a very credible and accurate documentary on Netflix called Marriage Story, starring Adam Driver and Scarlett Johannson, and written by Noah Baumbach. The movie was a very accurate representation of every divorce ever made. It was very stressful seeing the two main characters go through very strenuous pain. This includes their separated belongings and losing their beloved asset: money. Oh, and also their child having their parents split is also important too I guess.  Imagine having getting married and compiling your property, your assets, the things you worked so hard to maintain, so you can just lose it all. With it all going to your former significant other and the pain of debt with your expensive lawyers. Divorce lawyers are the middle man in relationships and make life a living hell in terms of having a fair and mutual breakup.     

Yes, yes, yes one person could argue that divorces are caused by issues that develop throughout the marriage, but these issues wouldn’t even be created if you didn’t marry the individual in question. When you look at your significant other, think about all the things that would be ruined if you started the process of getting married. Marriage can get crushed by a single blow, especially if the significant other is insane. 

According to an article by The Onion, a study from The American Journal Of Sociology reported that when parents had delayed their divorce, parents helped make sure that their children had sufficiently developed their sense of influence which is enough to make themselves blame their own actions for every outcome. 

What is the point of getting married anyway? Imagine: by not getting married, you can help the economy by not partaking in any of the tax benefits. Sure you could right the wrongs your own parents made, but if you get married, you will be connected with someone forever, even after death by being buried side by side. If you threaten for a woman to either break up or not to break up with you, why bother even getting married man, live your life in a space where you have the freedom to be with any woman you want that you paid to be with you for.

So much energy and hassle goes into marriage and even breaking up shows that there is no point in bothering into doing either of them. Live your life in an endless limbo of single and taken social status on Facebook.

Categories: Opinion

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