By KRISHNA KHAWANI
Q: Are your pants always tucked into your shirt?
A: It’s easier to think that your shirt is simply eating your pants. Unless your shirt is tucked into your pants. In that case, your pants are now taking revenge and eating your shirt. I guess an eye for an eye makes the whole world fashionable.
Q: Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty was an egg?
A: The nursery rhyme doesn’t matter, the only true source of information we can get in this world of fake news is Shrek. If Shrek says Humpty Dumpty is an egg, Humpty Dumpty is an egg, we don’t question it.
Q: Which finger is your favorite?
A: The thumb. (It’s not a finger hehe.)
Q: What is your fave hamster meme?
Q: If tomb is pronounced “toom” and womb is pronounced “woom” why isn’t bomb pronounced “boom”?
A: *The FBI and Harvard would both like to know your location*
Q: How can lactose intolerant people live in the milky way?
A: They may live in the milky way, but they certainly do not live the milky way. (Also lactase tablets, those seem to work for these poor souls.)
Q: If a doctor died while doing surgery do the other doctors work on the original patient or the doctor that passed out?
A: Neither, the rest of the doctors realize that the operating room is now haunted and have to call in exorcists to cleanse the area. This is the type of stuff Grey’s Anatomy doesn’t teach you.
Q: Are there autographs of Jesus Christ?
A: Obviously! It’s pretty long and for some reason he called it “The Bible.” But on a serious note, no, the first autograph came around 1098 A.D.
Q: Is water wet?
A: Wet is the quality of something having water on it, and under that justification, yes water is wet, since H2O molecules found in water are surrounded and in contact with other water molecules. Yet ask yourself, is fire burnt?
Q: Do iPhones explode upon impact?
A: After various experiments I can confirm that they do not. I am also approximately $5000 in debt from purchasing multiple iPhones, so some assistance would be appreciated. My Venmo is [redacted].
Q: If I eat myself, will I become twice as big or disappear?
A: I had faith in the bio department to educate students about this, but I guess it’s time to take it into my own hands. Obviously you get twice as big! How else do you think Dwayne Johnson became The Rock?