New York: prose

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New York: prose

By CATALINA FERNANDEZ
Staff Writer

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(Charles Waltmire/The Sacramento Bee/MCT)
For ten years, I have lived in this city. For ten years, I have lived in this shoebox loft. For ten years, I have been toiling at the same dull office with the same dull job. It has been ten years, and I have not met any decent people.
 
My hairstyle has not changed. I have worn the same boring clothes with the same boring shoes. I have not gone on any crazy adventures. I live in one of the most overpopulated cities of the world, and yet, I am alone.
 
I walk to work every day and see five thousand people, but they never see me. They do not say hello, or good morning, or anything. They just look right through me. Ten years of unfamiliar faces. Ten years of looking in the mirror and not feeling like the person I used to be. Ten years of being stuck and feeling alone. I do not even own a cat or a plant. All I have done is sit and wait for all these years of struggling to fit in and make friends.
 
Today, however, I simply gave up. I gave up on feeling sorry for myself and always living with doubt. I am leaving behind the world of “what if” and “cannot” that my mind has trapped me in. I have decided to instead embrace a positive outlook and move forward. At first, it will be difficult because I have been entrapped in this state of mind for so long.
 
I will start slowly, occasionally smiling at people in the coffee shop and eventually striking up conversations. I will begin every Sunday morning with a fresh start by drinking a smoothie and going for a jog in the park. I will enroll in a few activities and form friendships with the people I meet. I will start attending events and meeting more people. I will explore and expand. I will add passion and adventure to my life. I will do whatever it takes to progress, because I have finally realized the cause of these dreadful ten years.

All this time, I was the one holding myself back.

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